Mean Girls

Parenting teen girls in the digital age

If someone asked me if I wanted to be transported back to 7th grade, I would say “How much will you pay me”?

It would take a hefty sum to return to that turbulent time of life, with its extreme highs and lows, feelings of isolation and insecurity, and over-analyzing every aspect of life.

Now having a 7th grader, I am having flashbacks to my experience in middle school. I will never forget the weekend sleepovers where 10+ girls would be invited. Each time someone new would be singled out, and essentially bullied. IT.WAS.TERRIBLE to say the least. I can’t remember the specifics but I know that I was for sure the one ostracized at some point. And, sadly, I am sure I was part of the group that wasn’t so nice. It was a vicious, and toxic cycle all through 7th grade.

Talking to every woman in my life about this topic has made me realize that in every school, in every town, there will always be girl drama. There will always be a “ringleader” aka Regina George. There will always be 1 person that everyone picks on or turns on.

I am so curious as to why this is. Is it something that we all have to experience during adolescence? Does it make us stronger? Does it teach us something? And also, why are girls so MEAN?!

In my experience, I have found that this girl drama starts WAY earlier than it did for us growing up. I feel like my daughter went through a lot in 4th-6th grade. I have talked to other moms that have told me the same thing. I think social media has magnified these issues x 100. I hate this for them, and would love to ban cell phones until 18! ha!

I know that my daughter is far from perfect, so we have had a lot of conversations, teachable moments, and of course tears. This age is so hard, and as parents it is hard not to absorb their emotions. I was very stressed out when she was having a hard time. But, I am grateful for other amazing moms who were communicative and supportive.

We had a situation in 3rd grade where Viv said something not so nice to a friend.I am thankful for the mom who reached out to me to explain what had happened. I of course was appalled and upset. We spoke to Viv, and that night she wrote a letter to her friend apologizing for what she said. I then made her go to her house, and ring the doorbell and apologize in person. It was probably one of the hardest parenting moments, but I was not about to let this go down without a consequence. I will never forget the look on everyone’s faces as we stood there. Viv apologized, and then she started crying. Then the mom started crying, and then I started crying! Afterwards, we circled together, and had the best group hug. I was proud of Viv for owning up to what she did, and for apologizing in person. To this day the other little girl is one of her closest friends.

I know we are in the thick of it, and not fully through the hard years. But here is my best advice to anyone with young girls.