Keeping up with the Joneses

Feelings of Inadequacy In Adulthood

The feeling of inadequacy in adulthood is real. I would find it hard to believe that we don’t all experience this on some level at some point in our lives. It’s one of the worst feelings and a hard one to shake!

Growing up in Minnesota, in the suburbs of Minneapolis, I would say was the least “flashy” place I have lived. Most of my friends lived in similar-sized, average-middle-class homes: 2500-3500 square feet, big backyards, and finished basements. Everyone lived comfortably. Of course, there are always a few kids with big beautiful homes, with a pool, that everyone wants to hang out at! But overall, there was no country club scene, no fancy cars. It was pretty humble, and a great place to grow up.

I didn’t experience comparison until we moved to Des Moines when I was in middle school. Enter designer handbags (kids carrying Gucci and LV in middle school!). Huge homes, everyone belonged to country clubs and went away to summer camps. I remember the girls wearing either Ralph Lauren or Benetton. I had one friend who had a hidden closet with a secret door, she had a phone booth in her room that her parents let cover in magazine photos, and she lived on a massive property. THAT was fun to hang out at as a 7th grader! At that point, I remember wanting to keep up with what my friends had. I had to mow the lawn for a Benetton Rugby, I shopped at TJ Maxx for my Ralph Lauren. This period in my life was so VIVID, I think about it a lot now as I have a daughter who I think goes through these same feelings. I am glad that I can be here for her and help her navigate through this stage of life.

I have felt this feeling of comparison and inadequacy in waves throughout life.